In this generation, we seem to go for what our eyes find appealing at first, its why we swipe left, swipe right – what we find as physically beautiful in a person…it’s why we double tap on Instagram, but what else makes up a person besides their physical beauty? What do you love about someone besides their physical outward appearance?
When we get into a relationship we seem to try to be perfect, we wear masks for fear of not having that person see us the same way they originally thought, we won’t show parts of ourselves because we don’t want to admit our faults, in fear of not being loved.
I find comfort in writing love letters. Yes, the kind that you can send in an envelope and mail, pen to paper love letters to sort through my hurt, happiness, pain – to heal.
I wrote I’m Sorry I’m Not Always The Sun, to be transparent with myself.
That, no I’m not perfect. Nobody is.
I had to become love.
Let that sink.
I, myself needed to become love, love is not just an action – it is a state of being.
I had to find comfort in knowing who I am, fully, love myself and all of my bruises and not be afraid to share that with someone. My anxiety, my pain, my successes, my failures and if they only want me when I'm the sun - then, they were not for me. I want a love that is real, raw and someone who loves all parts of me, who loves me unfiltered, not when I’m just picture perfect – relationships are hard work, it's not all #relationshipgoals and cute insta pics.
This love letter isn’t so much an "apology" more so an internal realization.
That you need to have someone love you for ALL you are.
Find someone who loves your soul.
It is easy to love someone when everything is perfect when they are the best versions of themselves. But to love when you are the cloud, to look deep into your soul, to love you beyond the physical, beyond the superficial, to love you when you are hurting, moody, having an anxiety attack - to love you when you are the storm, and in return you will shine when they need you. Loving each other unconditionally.
Transcript of the video:
I’m Sorry I’m Not Always The Sun,
don’t love me when I’m only the sun
love me when I burn you,
love me when my rays are too much for you to see,
love me when I can’t see my own worth.
I need you to love me when I’m the cloud,
when I’m the storm,
when I’m flooding my mind with worries and doubts,
I need you to to take hold of me,
to wrap your arms around me,
to bring me back to this moment of you and I,
to calm me.
I need you to love me more than just a like on a photo
I need you more than just a "good morning" and "good night" text
I need to know that you are there at 3 am
when the world is quiet and my mind is awake,
that you take my secrets and hold them locked in your soul,
I need to know my words are safe in your hands,
that you hold my heart as one of the seven wonders of the world,
the finest treasure to ever have been discovered.
I need to know that you aren’t temporary,
I know you can’t promise that,
In this world of instant gratification,
I need to know you believe in working at us
I need to believe that you aren’t a ghost
I need you to be my lighthouse
when I’m lost at sea,
don’t leave me shipwrecked.
but if you must leave, leave me wearing a life vest, leave me on shore, leave me with honesty, leave me with my sanity.
I need you to understand me because I don’t understand me,
I need you to accept me.
I need you to love all parts of me
because no, I’m not always the sun,
and sometimes you’ll need to radiate for me,
I’m sorry I’m not always the sun,
but I can promise when you are the cloud — I will always shine for you.
I promise I’m worth the storm.
About Demetra Demi Gregorakis
Demetra Demi Gregorakis is an author and writer, her debut book Love Letters In The Wall: Agapé edition captures her personal experience of falling in love, heartbreak and revival, exploring what it truly means to love. She hopes her words empower, and inspire that heartbreak, love and the journey we go on is only one aspect of your story – you are whole all on your own.
Follow Demetra on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.