Project Happiness Articles — reflection

Regardless of my ‘over-achiever’ personality and how proud I should be, I would doubt everything constantly. Travelling taught me that I would still doubt life choices and push myself more than I could handle at times. Travelling solo taught me how to deal with these situations, take a step back, breath, smile and appreciate all the little things, which are essentially the bigger things.

In all ways, I believe this is true. At the very burning, volcanic diamond-centers of ourselves, we are complete. Enough. Multiversal. I do, however, have trouble reconciling this truth with my inherent impulse to try and improve myself constantly.

I believe that over the ages, through the passing of time. We have lost two incredibly important characteristics. I think that if we were to regain these two simple things, our lives would become so much better than they are, and we would be able to survive the storm that rages in our minds. The best part is that one of them leads to the other.

The modern corporate lifestyle glorifies the “Work hard, play hard” philosophy – you should have it all, and you should have it right away. A successful career, an abundant social life, the right body, the expensive holiday, a plethora of possessions…all topped with a flashy Instagram profile to show off just how fun-loving you are.

I was bullied and I never told anybody about it. Yep. I kept it to myself as if it was a best kept secret. It was as if I had to deal with it alone because that’s just the kind of kid I was. Those experiences with being bullied influenced my self esteem more than I ever knew.

So, the unerring thought that hit me when I turned 50 was, “Why do I look old but feel 27?” I imagine most of us feel much younger but we adhere to society’s rules, pack away our padded shoulders, big hair and Jelly shoes and sit on the sidelines from now on in.

The trap I was falling into was the tendency to judge each and every experience on the scale of my likes and dislikes. If we truly want to learn how to embrace each moment of our lives, rather than pulling some close and pushing others away, we need to understand that a sensation is neither desirable nor undesirable.

I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve looked back at decisions I’ve made, often the frightening or difficult ones, and had an incredible amount of gratitude wash over me. Gratefulness for that one person who had the guts to take a leap; my past self.

It’s an invaluable skill to enable us taking a break ever so often, a breather in these busy and often overwhelming times helping us to make necessary adjustments and decisions for our lives.

In a few short weeks it’ll be crazy busy again. But my ‘to do’ list today? Appreciate the present.